Death Cult Movie 2 The parody continues
by ZazieCurie
Summary: The title says it all. Enjoy. :D


**Death Cult Movie (The parody continues...)**

Disclaimer: ...No, I don't own Death Note, Taxi Driver, Monty Python and Los del Rio's "Macarena". But I do own a pet dragonfly.

Note: Some quotes were a bit modified or adapted to the character and plot. Also, please forgive me (again) for any grammar errors as English is not my first language.

-----

**Taxi Driver (part 1):**

Matt (in deep thought) – "_Thank God for the rain yesterday. It helped wash away the garbage and trash off the sidewalks. I'm workin' long hours now, six in the afternoon to six in the morning. Sometimes even eight in the morning, six days a week. Sometimes seven days a week. It's a long hustle but it keeps me real busy. I can take in three, three fifty a week. Sometimes even more when I do it with the Wii. All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal, Kira. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets._"

Mello (by walkie-talkie) – _Matt. It's almost time to go._

Matt – "_All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go. I don't believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention like my bud Mello or Near. I believe that someone should become a person like other people._"

Mello (by walkie-talkie) – _Matt? Are you there?_

Matt – "_I_ _gotta get in shape after all this is over. Too much sittin' is ruinin' my body. Too much abuse has gone on for too long. From now on, it will be fifty push-ups each morning, fifty pull-ups. There'll be no more videogames; there'll be no more bad food, no more destroyers of my body. From then on, it will be total organization. Every muscle must be tight._"

Mello – _Matt?_

Matt – "_Few days back, I saw this girl outside near the apartment we're staying in. I swear she looked just like Jodie Foster-_"

Mello – _MATT!_

Matt – What?!

Mello – _Stop messing around and get your ass ready! Takada is about to arrive! Move it!_

Matt – Fine, fine. (Mutters) Hold your horses, Mello Yellow...

Mello – _I heard that._

**Taxi Driver (part 2):**

_Ryuuk is alone in Light's room. He is staring at a mirror and-_

Ryuuk - Yeah. Huh? Huh? Huh? I'm faster than you-

_-impersonating Robert Di Niro's classic?_

Ryuuk - I'm standin' here. You make the move for the apple. I dare to you to make the move. It's your move. _[He pulls out his death note with pen in hand]_ Don't try it, you f****. You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to _me_? Well, who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to _me_? Well, I'm the only one here.

_Meanwhile, Light arrives and enters in his room..._

Light – Hey, Ryu-

Ryuuk – (turns around quickly) Who the f*** do you think you're talkin' to?!

Light - ...?!

Ryuuk - ...

Light - ... Lack of apples?

Ryuuk – (embarrassed) ... Yeah, I think I'll need a whole basket of them.

**Monty Python: "Chocolate Shop":**

Mello - Mornin'.

Owner - Good morning, young man. Welcome to the National Chocolate Emporium!

Mello - (looks oddly at him) Right...

Owner - What can I do for you?

Mello - Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through "Great Guns from Bad Huns" by John Custer, and I suddenly came over all peckish.

Owner - Peckish?

Mello - Esuriant.

Owner - Eh?

Mello – I'm starving.

Owner - Ah, hungry!

Mello - In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little cocoa bar will do the trick," so, I curtailed my activities, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some sugary comestibles!

Owner - Come again?

Mello – (slight scowl) I want to buy some chocolate.

Owner - Oh, I thought you were complaining about the mazuki player!

Mello – Nah. I'm not very into these manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse.

Owner - Sorry?

Mello – I don't give a shit about it.

Owner - So he can go on playing, can he?

Mello - Sure. Now then, some chocolate please.

Owner - Certainly. What would you like?

Mello - Well, eh, how about a Mars bar?

Owner - I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of Mars.

Mello - Oh, never mind, how are you on Toblerone?

Owner - I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, we get it fresh on Monday.

Mello - Well, four pairs of Twix, if you please.

Owner - Ah! It's beeeen on order, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

Mello - Yorkie?

Owner - Sorry.

Mello - KitKat?

Owner – Normally, yes. Today the van broke down.

Mello - Lion Bar?

Owner - Sorry.

Mello - Penguin? Bournville?

Owner - No.

Mello - Any Texan, per chance.

Owner - No.

Mello - Starbar?

Owner – (pauses) No.

Mello - Dove Bar, maybe?

Owner - Ah! We have Dove Bar.

Mello - (surprised) You do! Alright!

Owner - Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit "soft"...

Mello - Oh, I like it "soft".

Owner: Well,.. It's very "softy", actually.

Mello – Doesn't matter. Fetch hither the chocolat de la Belle France!

Owner - I...think it's really melted than you would like it.

Mello - I don't care how fucking melted it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Owner - Oooooooooohhh........!

Mello - What now?

Owner - The cat's eaten it.

Mello: (raises eyebrow) Has he.

Owner: She, son.

(pause)

Mello - Walnut Whip?

Owner: No.

Mello: Idam?

Owner: No.

Mello - After Eight?

Owner - No.

Mello - You...do *have* some chocolate, don't you?

Owner - (brightly) Of course, son. It's a chocolate shop. We've got-

Mello - No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

Owner - Fair enough.

Mello - Uuuuuh, Spira.

Owner - Yes?

Mello - Ah, well, I'll have some of that!

Owner - Oh! I thought you were talking to me. Mister Spira, that's my name.

(pause)

Mello - Smarties?

Owner - Uh, not as such.

Mello - Cadbury's Fudge?

Owner - Not -today-, no.

(pause)

Mello - Aah, how about Nestlé Milk Chocolate?

Owner - Well, we don't get much call for it around here, son.

Mello – What?! But it's the single most popular chocolate bar in the world!

Owner - Not 'round here.

Mello - And what IS the most popular chocolate bar 'round here?

Owner - Snickers, son.

Mello - IS it?

Owner - Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manusquire.

Mello - Is it?

Owner - It's our number one best seller, son!

Mello - I see. Uuh...Snickers, eh?

Owner - Right.

Mello - All right. Okay. "Have you got any?" He asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

Owner - I'll have a look. Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

Mello - It's not much of a chocolate shop, is it?

Owner - Finest in the district!

Mello - (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

Owner - Well, it's so clean!

Mello - It's certainly uncontaminated by gluten....

Owner - (brightly) You haven't asked me about Butterfinger.

Mello - Would it be worth it?

Owner - Could be....

Mello – Alright. Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY MAZUKI OFF!

Mazuki player – O_o!

Owner - Told you...

Mello - (slowly) Have you got any Butterfinger?

Owner - No.

Mello - Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me: Have you in fact got any chocolate here at all?

Owner - Yes.

Mello: Really?

(pause)

Owner - No. Not really, son.

Mello - You haven't.

Owner – No. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time.

Mello - ...I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Owner - Right-0.

Mello takes out a gun and shoots the man.

Mello - What a -senseless- waste of human life. (Turns to the reader) And now for something completely different. The Macarena Cat Fight.

**The Macarena Cat Fight by the Death Ladies:**

(Halle, Naomi, Misa and Takada are dancing the Macarena by the Los del Rio. The first two are dancing all smiling and sensually, while Misa and Takada keep exchanging dirty looks.)

_When I dance they call me Macarena_

_And the boys they say que soy Buena_

_They all want me, they can't have me_

_So they all come and dance beside me_

_Move with me, chat with me_

_And if I could I'd take you with me_

*chorus*

_Dale a tu cuerpo Macarena_

_Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria why cosa buena_

_Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, macarena_

_Hey, Macarena!_

(Takada slaps Misa) AIIIE!

_Dale a tu cuerpo Macarena_

_Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria why cosa buena_

_Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, macarena_

_Hey, Macarena!_

(Misa kicks Takada's chin) AIIIE!

(Halle and Naomi look oddly at the scene and at each other)

_Dale a tu cuerpo Macarena_

_Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria why cosa buena_

_Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, macarena_

_Hey, Macarena!_

(Halle and Naomi push the annoying women off the stage) (both) AIIIIIIIIE!!!

_Dale a tu cuerpo Macarena_

_Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria why cosa buena_

_Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, macarena_

_Hey, Macarena!_

(Halle and Naomi strike a pose and the song ends)

And now a joke from the late A.

A – I'm not quite dead.

Crowd - Just get on with it.

A – Right. Ladies and gentlemen! I now present to you the most vicious creature that ever walked on this Earth! The most wild beast that man have ever encounter! The most horrendous-

Crowd - Move it!

A – Ladies and gentlemen! I give you.... (suspense) The man-eating cake!

The curtains go up and show...

(TA-DA-DAAAAA!)

-L eating a piece of cake.

L – (munch, munch) Hello. (munch, munch)

Crowd – Hey! That's a man eating cake!

A – Well, dah! That's the joke! Get it?

Crowd – ...Yeah, we get it. Good one, corpse.

A – I'm not dead!

Thank you for reading. Please review. :)


End file.
